How we're playing

 

Giraffes have all the fun. Around here they do, anyway. I'd say it's one adventure after another for a figure who spends all day either on the orange motorbike, in the big red bus, balancing precariously on a small ambulance or holding onto a fire engine. That's life with J - one great idea after another! Meanwhile, on the floor, a now sitting little girl keeps proving her grabbing skills by pulling her basket towards her, emptying it completely and turning it around. Then she seems to be trying to eat it or just banging it. I joined in and took a photo I love. Just because it's her and me, together. 

Changes

My lovely boy has grown out of his size 5s (top), has just got some new size 6s (middle) but has been playing with his cousin's old 7s for weeks (bottom)! He's growing and changing so fast I have to run to keep up, hence the pile of books I've turned to for guidance and inspiration.

Runnin' on empty

There are days you just can't wait to be over. And that's fine. But when one of those days rolls into the next and the next and you find yourself wishing the weeks away? That's not fine. So, this week I've made a real effort to fill up on some good stuff every day - a Bible chapter every morning and some of my book before bed. None of the externals have changed - a teething baby feeling poorly after her immunisations, an energetic toddler, a workloaded husband, a bad back etc etc. But I've been stronger, more peaceful, found more joy and been a little bit more patient!

Toys

I spend a LOT of time thinking about toys. How to organise, what to buy, what to set aside for a while, which books to purchase, which books to order from the library, what activities to make happen, how to juggle the budget. It seems to take me a long time to translate what I observe in the ever curious J into tangible, chewable things to put in his hand. It often feels like an uphill struggle, one at which I'm doomed to fail. Is this how it's always going to be?! 

(E's first cuddlies - a zebra from Aunty and a rabbit from grandma.

I didn't know there was a grey and white theme!)

Welcome!

This week we welcomed our lovely daughter into our little family. I don't think there's too much to say except that she's healthy, she's lovely and - above all - she's here. She's a delight to us already, as is her brother who has welcomed her with joy and gentleness. 

Thankful, thankful.

Getting ready

Packing a bag for baby, getting clothes ready, packing a bag for me, clearing the room, washing sheets for the Moses basket. I've really appreciated these practical preparations, time to get excited about the new arrival. The last few months have been hard for us as a family, couple that with all the busyness that accompanies caring for a growing toddler, and I've found it hard to connect as much with this pregnancy. But, in these small acts of preparation, I connect. I get excited. Getting ready for a real person; a person I'm looking forward to meeting, a person I'm looking forward to getting to know, a person I'm looking forward to loving.

Dear J

My dear J,

We got up early the other morning and came downstairs; I sat cross-legged and you sat on my lap. You wandered off to open cupboard doors (that you're not allowed to) and pulled out the pyrex jug and then brought me a fabulous drum, banging it with a big smile on your face. I put the 'drum' in front of me on its side, as you stood close in front of me, and I gently pushed it. We watched it roll along the floor into the kitchen and I watched you smile, laugh and do a little dance. We then rolled it together a few times, you pushed it, walked after it, gave it a little tap with your toes and then brought it back to start over again!

You are so precious to me and I want to remember and treasure these little moments together. 

Love,

Mummy xx

PS - I really, really like the way you say "ocksss!" (socks).

 

pregnancy success strategies

  

Through nearly 18 months of pregnancy, I'm glad to tell you that I haven't yet eaten coal(!). Different women crave, or want, or need, different things and those probably change from pregnancy to pregnancy. During both pregnancies, I very quickly came to the conclusion that fish is abhorrent - not even to be discussed around me, let alone permitted anywhere near my person. Add to that, this time round, eggs. Nope, I'm still pregnant. Can't think about them. 

But what did I crave or need or find helpful? Well, I couldn't have got through Pregnancy #1 without milk. And, when I say milk, I probably mean Milk. Or maybe even MILK. I would say that it was a need. That's how it felt and I drank a lot of milk - as in, pints a day. What has been helpful so far with Pregnancy #2? Deep Heat. It started out as helpful and has become essential. But I don't consume pints of it daily. 

expectation

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then surely this photo renders my words entirely redundant?! There's a baby on the way and, as you can see, in the not too distant future - 7 weeks to due date! 

As it hasn't been too easy to paint my toenails for the last few months, I decided that I would simply forego the nail varnish. That did feel a little weird; my toenails have been constantly painted for about 20 years and I don't recognise my feet with naked nails! But bumps must be accommodated...  Or so I thought until, at Sing and Sign, I removed the flip flops and caught sight of my feet. Nope! The nails were painted that evening :-)

some 1st year reflections

A few weeks ago we celebrated J's first birthday - and so easy to celebrate he is! A living, breathing, walking, giggling gift! And, of course, with the big 1 came his final box of formula.

I remember being in hospital after a challenging weekend, culminating in an emergency c-section and a precious bundle of squish-faced loveliness. All day I'd asked for advice and confirmation that I was breast-feeding correctly or at least beginning well. All day I'd been told - yes, you're doing brilliantly. For about nine hours, in fact, and then at 9pm, I was informed that there's real concern for my son, that he's been too long without food; that he needs to be on formula and heel-pricked through the night to check his blood sugar. I replied that I was reluctant to start on formula as I'd heard it was difficult to then establish breast feeding. The midwife snapped that that wasn't true. So, feeling crushed by her words and manner, angry that she waited until my husband and sister had gone and accused of choosing malnutrition for my newborn, I chose Cow & Gate. The only one I'd heard of. 

That experience pretty much set the standard of support I'd receive. No one mentioned, for example, that difficult births, inductions and c-sections often delay milk coming in. (I was induced, had a c-section and my milk came in on day six, not three.) With help from my sister, J was latching on perfectly but there was nothing there. And, by the end of the first week, I decided to stop trying.

You have to choose your battles, don't you? I was already feeling like a failure - unable to birth, unable to feed, unable to get up to J in the night (one night it literally took me 40 minutes to get up because of the wound). Unable or unwilling to cry, it hurt far too much, I felt boxed in. Why force J to breastfeed, thus distressing us both, when he's doing so well on the bottle? 

It's not a decision I regret. As the days became weeks and the weeks months, I realised that birth is just the beginning. It's important; it matters. But it's just the start. As J and I got to know each other, as I recovered and could do more and more for him and for Warren, I felt more empowered; less defined by the birth experience. More free simply to be his mum. 

He's moved from lying to sitting to crawling to walking. He's moved from formula to puree to solids to cow's milk to throwing food on the floor and then signing 'no'! He's our perfect gift going from strength to strength. I hope I can grow as a person and as a mum as successfully as he.